Invisible Troubles
by ChibiJazRide
Summary: Matthew Williams is an ordinary student at Hetalia Academy of the Prestigious, just a few problems here and there... like not paying attention to his own problems in favor of worrying of other's problems... Gakuen Hetalia AU; Rated T; Future pairings; on HIATUS
1. Prologue

**Prologue:**

"Hurry up Matthew! If we don't get back to our damn dorm quick enough we-"

Quietly, Matthew laughed as he zipped up his book bag. "I know Lovino, we'll run into the Bad Touch Trio." Turning, he could see said Italian looking a bit flushed and impatient. "We can go now."

Lovino nodded curtly and they both walked out into the hall. It was empty save for a few students rushing down the stairs at one end. Normally there would be club activities going on, but not in this wing. "Let's just get back. It gets _way_ too fucking empty here."

They usually weren't the last two out of the class anyways.

**~ooXoo~**

The large oak doors slammed shut behind the two boys as they walked out into the cool autumn breeze. Shivering slightly, they both walked at a quicker pace as they laughed about forgetting their sweaters in their dorms.

They'd known each other for a while, meeting each other in their first year at Hetalia Academy of the Prestigious (Hetalia as many opted to call it) when their idiotic brothers had run into each other on the _first_ day. Lovino was one of Matthew's only friends and vise versa. It was the beginning of their second year at the school, and so far, everything was excellent.

"At least we're not rooming with our brothers this year." Lovino said kicking at a pebble on the sidewalk as they walked towards the guy's dorm rooms.

The dorms themselves were three stories, a dark brick, almost blood red, color separated the girl's dorms from the guys' deep, royal blue. All four dorm building were huge, each one standing majestically behind the actual academy building.

Matthew glanced at him before responding. "Hm, I guess… But isn't your brother in the same room as Ludwig?"

"Right, thanks for reminding me that my fratello is rooming with the potato bastard." Matthew just giggled shyly and fell silent.

"Hey, you're going to help the drama department right? I mean, shit- you're better at working the lights and sound than Arthur was…"

"Sure am, I wouldn't leave you alone with the Bad Touch Trio in the play. I mean my _cousin_ has one of the main roles."

"Ugh, you're really bringing me the fuck down Mattie…"

"You're so _very_ welcome." Both of them irrupted in laughter. Lovino was one of a handful of people that knew that Matthew existed, and Matthew was the only one that Lovino would let his guard down around. They acted more like brothers than they did with their _actual_ siblings.

And maybe that's just how the world worked.


	2. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1:**

"_Alfred! Wait up!" I called out to him as I raced behind him to get to the gym. He didn't hear me and kept running, turning around a corner and suddenly smacking into someone making him fall. _

_Panting I finally caught up to him, we'd run all the way from our dorm room, hoping we wouldn't be late to orientation. I glanced down at Alfred was sitting and holding a hand to his forehead. Rolling my eyes, I looked over at the other boy. He was pretty slim, almost like me, he had auburn hair with a weird curl sticking out of one side and his eyes were amber, tears visible in the corners._

"_Damn it Feli! I told you not to fucking run ahead of me!" I glanced up at the voice, seeing another boy who looked exactly like the first one- Feli, I guessed- except his hair was darker, his curl was on the opposite side and he had greenish hazel eyes. "See! You fucking ran into someone already!"_

"_Ah, mi dispiace, fratello*!" Feli said about to cry, still on the ground. Hm, they must be Italian… _

_Behind him, the look alike growled. I nervously glanced at my brother. "Um, Alfred…?" _

_Once again, he didn't hear me. He just stood up and helped Feli up. "Whoa, sorry dude! I didn't mean to run into you!"_

"_Ve~, it's okay!" He instantly jumped to his feet upon hearing the apology, geez- he sure got over it fast. "I'm Feliciano Vargas, I'm new here and that's my brother, Lovino!"_

"_Hey, I can introduce myself just fucking fine." Lovino said walking forward and standing next to his brother. He had a cross look on his face._

"_Haha, I'm new here too! I'm Alfred F. Jones, the hero!" I face palmed as my brother struck a 'hero' pose as he called it. "Do you guys know where the gym is?"_

"_VE~! We were just heading there! Why don't we sit together? !" Feliciano asked excitedly. He started walking ahead with Alfred. Meanwhile, Lovino cast me a glance. Had he noticed I'd stayed silent?_

_All four of us walked toward the gym, which somehow we managed to _miss _on our way there. Soon we were all seated near the middle, both my brother and Feliciano talking a mile a minute. _

"_Hey." I glanced up shocked at whoever was talking to me, usually no one ever even noticed I was there. It was Lovino. "Why didn't you fucking say anything back there?"_

"_Hm? Well…" I paused unsure of what to say. "… I'm not sure, my brother usually is the only one noticed…" I said, sometimes my soft voice didn't help me out that much._

_He snorted. "Of course. So your brother is favored over you too huh?" I gave him a questioning glance, he just pointed at his brother. "We're twins, I'm the older and yet everyone pays him more attention than me. It's always, 'Feli this' and 'Feli that'."_

_I laugh a bit. "Alfred's my younger twin too. He's always more noticeable than quiet me."_

_Lovino just looks at me, realizing we were in basically the same boat with out twins. He just nodded. "No one ever really pays attention to me either unless they're fucking criticizing my behavior or complaining about something."_

"_No one notices me, period." We both shared a small laugh. "By the way, I'm Matthew…"_

_**~ooXoo~**_

Matthew dropped his bag onto his desk and immediately threw himself on the bed, landing right on top of the fluffy, red and white, microfleese blanket. Behind him, he heard the door close as Lovino shut the door and placed his own book bag on a chair. Lazily, Lovino threw himself down on his bed and pulling out his laptop.

"I still can't believe that _Francis_ got the lead role. I mean how the hell does he get the lead in _Sherlock Holmes_?" Lovino asked. Matthew shrugged, sitting up against the headboard of his bed and laughing slightly.

"You have to admit, he's a pretty good actor. And plus, you're playing Moriarty, the _antagonist, _that's still a lead role." He answered.

"Yeah, well your cousin's a fucking perv, and so are his idiotic friends." Matthew shrugged again. Maybe Francis _was_ a perv, along with Antonio and Gilbert his friends and 'partners-in-crime', but not _all_ the time… "I mean they call themselves the _Bad Touch Trio_!" He didn't bother responding, and Lovino fell silent as well when his laptop finally finished booting up.

Silently, Matthew rolled over and glanced around their shared room. It was a comforting light blue color and was spacious enough for the two of them. They each had a desk, closet, a small bookshelf… and right between the two beds were two small, rectangular windows, each with matching curtains. It was way better than sharing a sharing with Alfred in Matthew's own opinion.

He closed his eyes, without taking off his wire glasses. It was a Thursday, one more day of classes and then the weekend would finally be there.

That was the daily routine (if you could call it that) that they'd both fallen into this year. Last year was more different, the dynamics faster, sharper, and more exciting.

He opened his eyes, only to have his gaze immediately fall on a small case laying neatly to the side of his desk. Inside was something that he'd always contemplated on using, though never had the courage to. A small gift from his uncle, hidden within it sharp, painful memories, and a choice he had yet to make.

"Hey Matthew, what was the homework from Human Geo?" The carefully constructed silent shattering as Lovino asked his question. Both were on the advanced track, one of the reasons they were at Hetalia- the other was rich parents that could afford sending them to an international school.

"Questions… 24 through 36, but they aren't due tomorrow." Matthew answered in his ever quiet voice. Funny how only two people ever noticed him, and the other _wasn't_ his brother. One time, he'd even managed to scare Alfred, although he'd been standing at the other's side for a while. All he'd done was ask for notes.

Alfred isn't too smart… well, when it comes to the real world he isn't too smart…

"Great." Lovino was still absorbed in the screen of his laptop. Probably working on English or something. "There isn't any other homework might as well get it the fuck over-"

"Lovi~!" The door to room burst open and a smiling Antonio ran in and tackled Lovino, making him close his laptop accidentally. A quiet laugh sounded from across the room at the scene. Lovino slowly turned a bright red while Antonio just hugged him not giving any notice to Lovino struggling to get him off, or the punches he was throwing.

"Bastard! Let me go, you made me almost fucking crush my laptop, dammit!" Lovino's eyes widened as they caught the other inhabitant of the room. "Matthew! Fucking help me!" The laugh became a bit louder.

"Hmm? Who are you talking to, mi tomate" Antonio asked confused. He sat up smiling apologetically him. Matthew sighed as yet another person didn't notice him… and in his own living space too…

"Idiot," Lovino stood up and instead plopped down on Matthew's bed. "_Matthew,_ if you can't remember, is my roommate!" Lovino pointed towards him. Antonio let out a small 'oh. Matthew shyly offered a small wave and a hello to him.

"It's um… nice to see you…" He said a bit nervously.

"Fucking bastard. I can't believe you can't remember my own roommate!"

"Um, Lovino I think it's ok…" Matthew quietly tried to amend, looking between the two of them. Antonio was sheepishly looking at Lovino, a tiny, almost invisible, blush across his tan skin.

"Lo siento Matthew… I hadn't seen you…" Lovino just huffed out and stood up. Nodding, Matthew accepted his apology.

"What did you want, bastardo?" Lovino asked. Matthew knew Antonio liked Lovino, well- everyone at Hetalia knew _that_. What he didn't know was if Lovino felt the same way… it was impossible to tell although he bet he did. Just watching the two teen's interaction in front of him was enough proof.

"I was wondering if you would go to that nice little diner in town with me!" Antonio replied, a big smile spread on his face waiting for an answer.

"You're paying for it." Lovino grabbed his jacket and stuffed his cellphone into one of his pockets. Grumbling, he made his way to the door.

"Have fun Lovino." Matthew said. Lovino threw a scowl at him, watching him smile. Antonio smiled and waved at Matthew, then followed him quickly out the door.

Now Matthew was alone in his room…

**_~ooXoo~_**

_**Entry: September 8th, 20XX**_

_Sometimes I wonder if anyone really cares me. Even my best friend seems to have found someone, although he won't admit it. I can tell he loves Antonio, he always blushes.  
><em>_But me? I haven't found anyone, just a friend -a friend that might forget me if he chooses to tell Antonio... I'm not going to lie, I'll be happy for him if they get together, but what about me? What will happen to our friendship?  
><em>_Maybe having Lovino as my friend was too much to ask... I know he really is my friend, but I can't help but feel that way.  
><em>_I don't know, I really don't. Maybe I'll just take a walk and clear my mind..._

_~Matthew_


	3. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2:**_**  
><strong>_

He stared at the small black case sitting innocently on top of his bookcase. It was taunting him again, reminding him that he was alone. Lovino had already left with Antonio and Matthew could easily take what inside and…

_No,_ he thought shaking my head, _I said I wouldn't._

Matthew quickly stood up and grabbed his oversized sweatshirt off the desk chair, pulling it over his head, and over the somewhat wrinkled school uniform. Swinging his book bag over his shoulder, he decided on the spot to take a walk around the campus, if only to not be stuck in his room. He didn't really have anything else to do at this point anyways. Right at the door, he turned to glance around the room and noticed he'd left his journal out. Blushing, he swiped it and stowed it carefully in his book bag before going back out.

Everything outside was so peaceful, a few clouds having claimed place in the sky. Yet, it still managed to look pretty, the landscape taking on a golden tinge from the trees, amber leaves falling gently to the soft, moist grass below. Hints of the dying season easily showing through the plants and cool breeze. It added to the beauty of the campus, one of the few reason Matthew attended the school.

He let out a sigh, glancing around. Everyone around (there weren't that many though) were in small groups or walking in pairs… He was the only one alone, he couldn't always be alone… could he?

Silently, he passed by the small, school garden -a rose garden at that. All the roses were slowly losing their perfect, red touch, turning black at the corners and withering slightly. A little marble bench lay nestled among the pristine bushes, a beautiful, white archway leading to it with a small clearing in the middle.

It would be the perfect place to be given a confession, a love confession. But maybe that was asking for too much.

Trying to bypass the little haven, Matthew walked briskly and still managed to faintly catch a couple's whispered conversation from inside.

Letting his feet take him nowhere in particular, Matthew pulled out his iPod, instantly bringing up some _Nickelback_ to listen to. The cool autumn breeze felt nice against his face as he slowly made way across the campus, a small, soft smile gracing his features.

He found himself walking towards the courtyard, it was empty as was most of the campus. Sighing, he sat down on one of the wooden benches and slumped forward a bit. A whole lifetime of not being noticed… it made him wonder if he was even worth something…

"_There's somebody else who feels the same somewhere, There's gotta be somebody for me like that." _Matthew jumped slightly at the voice, wasn't he alone? And how were they able to sing to his music? He looked behind him to be met by bright red eyes. "So you like Nickelback too huh?"

Matthew could hear his own pound a bit faster. "Yeah… How did you hear the lyrics…? The music isn't too loud…" He swallowed, feeling as if he'd swallowed a cup of syrup. Gilbert Beilschmidt, the only other person who would ever notice when he was around. Matthew took in his appearance: red eyes set into pale skin with white hair, an albino.

"Hm." Gilbert shrugged. "Well, I just have awesome hearing, Birdie." Matthew blushed a dark color _Birdie_? Had he really called him that?

"B-_Birdie_?" Matthew stuttered. Not only did he have a soft voice, he stuttered like no other…

"Well, yeah. You're as cute as a little bird. And birds like my Gilbird are the cutest." He said leaning onto the back of the bench. Matthew sighed, wondering how in the world _he_ was one of the people who noticed him. Gilbert wasn't in many of his classes, he was a third year, a junior, a whole year _older_ than Matthew… He _shouldn't _have noticed him. "So, are you not doing anything right now?"

Matthew blush turning away so he won't see. "Uh, no. Lovino went out to eat with Antonio… a-and I have no homework so…"

"Kesesese! So Antonio's still after that feisty Italian, huh?" He asked; Matthew just nervously nodded. "Enough about them. How would you like to go with the awesome me to get coffee?"

"Y-your ask-sking me to coffee?"

"Well, duh Birdie. There's this nice little café about five minutes away that makes awesome maple bars and other just as yummy pastries."

"…" He glanced down and slightly adjusted the strap on his book bag, toying with the length of the blue and black fabric. "O-ok…" He said even _quieter_ than usual.

Matthew felt himself being grabbed by the wrist and pulled from his seat on the bench. He held on to the book bag strap and tried to keep up with Gilbert. Gilbert laughed and let him go after a bit. "Come on Birdie! I'll race you there!" He said with a teasing tone. "Try and catch me!"

"Eh? Wait!" Matthew ran up to catch up with him. Gilbert just laughed and kept dodging around him, speeding around trees. He let out a soft giggle he watched Gilbert stumble. "You can't run forever!"

"Of course I can! I'm awesome, remember?" He yelled back. Matthew stopped to adjust his glasses, threatening to fall off.

"Hey! Wait up! Gilbert!" He hadn't paid any attention to where they were going. What with their chasing game, he wouldn't anyways. Matthew's mind was on trying to catch Gilbert, for once not focusing on his troubles; he didn't notice until Gilbert stopped in front a door.

"Okay," He stopped just short of running into Gilbert head on -who in turn opened the door and bowed dramatically. "after you Birdie."

"Y-you don't have to-to do that you know…" Matthew stuttered yet again, walking through the door with a light blush, Gilbert right on his heels.

"Hmm? But I wanted to be polite." He answered nonchalantly walking up to the counter.

His companion sighed and followed, looking around the little café. 'Der Stern'*, it was probably German for something…

"Birdie? Hey?"

"Hm, wh-what?" He glanced at Gilbert, embarrassed that he hadn't heard the other, lost in his own thoughts.

"I'd asked what you wanted." He gave a sly smile, effectively making Matthew blush a shade darker.

"J-just a mocha latte and doughnut…" Was the whispered answered, a glance cast to the mocha colored tiles below them.

"Right. That'll be a mocha latte, a vanilla latte, and two maple bars." Matthew's gaze snapped back up to see a middle aged women standing behind the counter. She had graying hair and wore a plaid cooking apron over what seemed to be a sky blue dress; she looked like she should have been in a book.

"It'll be right out Gilbert." She said warmly and retreated to making the coffees a ways away from the counter.

Gilbert led them to a small table and they sat down sitting opposite of each other. Taking a look around, Matthew noticed that everything was of a neutral color with splashes of brighter, more exuberant colors here and there. "Um… why did she know your name…?"

Gilbert laughed, leaning over to ruffle his hair. "I always come here! I'm like one of those preferred customers!" Matthew ducked down, embarrassed at Gilbert doing that. He was about to respond when the lady from the counter came over bearing two cream mugs filled with steaming liquid in one hand, and the two maple bars in the other, both on their own plates.

"Now, who's this Gilbert? New friend?" She asked.

"Of course, Pam! He's my friend, Matthew." Gilbert proclaimed, gesturing towards him.

"Well, then I'll leave you two alone."

Trying not to meet Gilbert's eyes, he tentatively sipped at the coffee, it had a creamy and delicious taste he was certain he hadn't tasted in another drink. He smiled and took another sip of the warm liquid. "So do you like it?" Matthew looked up at Gilbert studying him with a playful smirk on his face. He just nodded. Gilbert laughed and picked up one of the maple bars, tearing off a piece. "Now you have to try this maple bar! It's the best I've ever had!"

Gilbert held out his hand. Matthew was about to reach forward and grab it, but he held it out of reach. "Nu-uh, Birdie." He laughed waggling a finger. Shooting him a confused look, the Canadian moved his hand back.

"Uh… w-what?"

"I'm going to feed it to you!" He said like it was obvious that he was going to do so.

He blushed even darker than before (if he kept this blushing up, he'd pass Lovino's record!). "E-eh…? !"

"Come on! I don't bite." Matthew made a small noise, but gave in. "Unless you want me to that is…"

"G-Gilbert!"

He laughed slightly at the other's face. "Fine, fine. It was only a joke, ya' know…"

"O-okay…" Gilbert smiled and held out his hand again. Matthew slowly leaned forward to bite the maple bar. _M-maple!_ He thought as he bit down, closing his eyes briefly as his teeth made contact with the treat. He felt like dying right there on the spot.

Pulling back, he chewed the small bite he'd taken, watching Gilbert with the blush still prominent on his cheeks.

"That wasn't too bad right?"

He mumble incoherently for a bit and then finally find his voice. "No…" it came out more whispered then usual…

"I knew you'd like this place!" Gilbert proceeded to eat the part that he'd set down, placing the untouched maple bar in front of Matthew along with the torn off piece. "Do you want me to walk to you back to your dorm, Birdie?"

He nodded, a bit of shock showing on his face from Gilbert being able to act so normal after he _just fed him_. Wasn't that something couples do…?

"Y-yeah… that's f-fine…"

* * *

><p><strong><span>Translations:<span>  
><strong>

****_**Der Stern- **_**The Star (German)**


	4. Chapter 3

_**Entry: September**__** 9th, 20XX**_

_Gilbert confuses me… He's a year older and yet he his friends (other than Antonio and Francis) are younger. And why did he have to feed me? You don't exactly do that with friends, if I can even call him that. I don't know what to call him… maybe he just wants something from me? Everyone else has only wanted to gain from me by being 'nice'. Am I really that easy to lead on and take from?  
><em>_Gil's part of the Bad Touch Trio… he wouldn't lead others on would he?  
><em>_He took me to "Der Stern", and I think I just might go back soon. I loved their maple bars and the coffee was nice. The actual place is really comfy, too. I keep thinking it felt more like a date than just going out for coffee. Maybe I can ask Lovino?  
><em>_~Matthew_

**Chapter 3:**

With a flick of his wrist, Matthew quickly dimmed the lights, focusing a few spotlights on center stage. On the stage, curtains opened revealing Francis standing alone and Lovino entering from stage left. The set was simple at the moment- a Victorian styled peach couch with dark mahogany tables and bookcases.

"_Page 68, all actors ready for cues, Matthew-san." _Matthew heard through the headset placed on his head.

"Thank you Kiku, and no need to add the '-san'." He answered pressing a button that controlled volume on the side of his headset. He sighed quietly and turned on a few of the yellow lights, playing around with them until he had the lighting effect he wanted. He set up the queue and sat up to watch the actual scene play out. There weren't that many queues and they were almost through act two, giving a lot a free time to just sit there and think, or watch whatever was happening.

"All I have to say has already crossed your mind." The words floated up easily from the stage. Both Francis and Lovino had good projection and enunciation in his opinion. Matthew watched as they circled each other slowly.

"Then my answer- has already crossed yours." Francis replied in a slow, confident tone.

"You stand fast?" Lovino looked angry, either acting or not, it wasn't noticeable. He was one of the better actors, no one could really tell if he put on a front or not.

"Absolutely." Francis had carefully kept his face blank. Matthew nodded to himself, the play was going well.

Matthew cast his eyes over to the side. Feliciano was working on Gilbert's costume, fixing a sleeve or something. He couldn't hear their talking, but he saw them laugh and Gilbert look up at him. Their eyes met briefly and a smile was shot up. One second there, the next gone, and leaving a blushing Matthew confused if he'd actually seen it.

"_Kiku, call everyone to break will you? And Matthew, the lights look great. Is the queue up?_" Arthur's voice sounded out against his ear making him jump in his seat, hand close to turning on the house lights.

"_Hai, Arthur-san._"

"The queue is set, Arthur."

"_Good, good. Then come down from the booth and take your break with the rest of the members._"

"Okay…" Matthew took off his headset and set it down to one side. He berated himself quietly, couldn't he pay more attention instead of spacing off? Carefully turning off the stage lights, he left the houselights on as a guide for the other cast members making their way around to get snacks and chat. Slowly, he made his way down the carpeted stair, running one hand along the smooth, cool metal banister and the other against the slightly rough fabric-covered wall.

He liked to lose himself in the booth, it was just as peaceful as the small rose garden, with the addition of a comforting buzz of technology and fans that cooled down the lights on the catwalk. There had even been times, during the last play, where Lovino had had to yank him down from the light booth with the notion of 'the fucking auditorium is being locked up, idiot.' and 'I won't come to help you, if you get stuck there.'

"L-Lovi, wait!"

"Let me the fuck go, Feliciano!"

The sounds of loud arguing made their way to him as Matthew pushed the door open that connected the light booth's stairs to the auditorium. This wasn't too unusual: it had happened the year before too, during the school's performance of _Oedipus Rex. _He sighed quietly to himself as he shut the door behind him seeing the sight in front of him.

Feliciano was holding back his brother who was, in turn, trying to lunge at Ludwig. If Matthew hadn't known that Lovino had never liked Ludwig, he would have been worried about whoever had angered him. …Although he already was…

"Er…" Ludwig looked uncomfortable, just standing next to one the plush theater seats. Matthew sighed, watching for a bit, before he decided to step in.

"B-but brother! Please don't hurt him!" Lovino growled, yanking his arm from Feliciano's grasp.

"Why the hell not?"

"…Ve…"

"See? You don't even have a reason!"

Matthew laughed slightly before trying to get Lovino to stop. "One, you wouldn't be able to be in the play. They would give your part to someone else. And two, for your brother, don't beat Ludwig up?" Lovino glared at him before crossing his arms. A huff sounded out from his lips, his brother smiling at the halted fight.

"Thank you-…"

"That's Matthew, dammit…" Lovino said walking over to stand next to said person.

"Si! Thank you Matthew!"

"Right, thank you for helping Matthew…" Ludwig coughed into a fist, motioning to Feliciano. "Well, we'd should… get to the vending machines before break is over."

"Ve, will they have those yummy cookies you bought the other day?"

"We'll check alright?" With those last words they both left, Feliciano rambling on about the cookies and how it would be great to eat them again.

"Tch, stupid potato, stupid brother…" Matthew turned towards Lovino laughing lightly again.

"Can't you just leave them be?"

"No, I can't. Not after what he fucking did before." Lovino scowled, sitting on the edge of one of the chairs.

Matthew sighed plopping himself into the seat in front. His eyes drifted around the auditorium, everyone was in little groups socializing in the twenty minute break they had. He caught sight of Gilbert talking animatedly while Francis and Antonio listened intently. He would have kept his gaze moving but he caught both Gilbert and Antonio shooting glances their way.

"Oi, you listening?"

"What? Oh, sorry." Matthew smiled in apology. "I was spacing…"

Lovino glanced past his shoulder snorting. "What? Looking at Gilbert?"

"Shh! D-Don't say that out loud!" Matthew flushed a light pink.

"Hm? Didn't you like going to the café with him?" Lovino smirked at him leaning back comfortably in his seat. Matthew stared at him questioningly, how had Lovino found out…? "That tomato bastard told me right when the potato's brother texted him."

"You… knew?" Wide blue eyes were set on Lovino who just sighed briefly.

"Not like I wanted to fucking know, tomato bastard thought I'd want an update on the irrelevant. Stupid idiot."

A soft punch made contact with Lovino's shoulder. "You could have told me you knew!"

Lovino laughed, a short bursting laugh. "And miss your reaction? No fucking way."

Matthew rolled his eyes at his friend. He tried to will away any embarrassment he had felt. "I don't like him."

"I never said that."

Matthew grew quiet, pondering his thoughts and how he could retaliate in anyway possible without him ending up on the short side of the stick. "I won't end up winning this, will I…?"

"Nope." Lovino smirked popping the 'P' sound on the word. His eyes flashed towards his watch before looking back up at Matthew. "Giving up?"

"Oh, okay." He took a big breath resting his chin in the palm of his right hand. "…I'm not sure _what_ to think of Gilbert."

"So, you do like him?'

Matthew stared at Lovino, shaking his head silently. "N-no! I mean- yes. I mean- I'm not sure…?" His thoughts ran past his mind at lightning speeds. Did he like Gilbert? They'd known each other for a while, last year to be correct, and they were moderately close… but he'd been receiving the mixed messages since then. It was nothing new, the impromptu meeting of the day before had only managed to resurface the emotions, if any, that the young blonde might have had.

"…You have a fucking crush on the potato bastard's _brother_."

"I-I don't!"

"Then why are you blushing and defending yourself?"

"Y-You do that too when it's about Ant-!"

"Shut up, dammit! I don't fucking-!"

"See!"

"Damn you, Matthew…" Matthew gave him a quick smile.

"Doesn't that mean you like him though?" Lovino grew red, redder than Matthew had been.

"No, it fucking doesn't." Lovino huffed out. "And don't turn the conversation away from yourself, dammit!"

"I thought you wouldn't notice I did…"

"Tch, you did an awful job trying to cover it up." Lovino glanced at his watch, sighing at the amount of time they had left most likely. Matthew watched him, it wasn't hard to notice the glances he shot to one side as discreetly as he could. "Oi, are you almost done with lighting?"

"No…" Matthew stood up adjusting his sweater. "And know you changed the subject." He smiled starting to head back up into the light booth. "If anyone asks-"

"You're up in the damn light booth, I know. When the hell aren't you up there?"

Matthew stuck his tongue out. "I'm in charge of lights, aren't I?"

_**Entry: September 9th, 20XX (later)**_

_Is it possible to feel even more confused? Because I sure do. I don't even know why! Lovino thinks I might crush on Gil. I don't know, I'm not sure if I do. I thought being up in the light booth would help me think and sort things out. I was wrong. It's too much to think about. Maybe I'll reread what Uncle gave me. And for the record: If blushing and defending yourself means you like someone, then Lovino must love Antonio.  
><em>_~Matthew  
><em>_(I really hope he never finds this journal… Lovino would kill me, I know that for sure.)_

* * *

><p><strong>AN: This is really late, but I've been busy... No worries though, I have all  
><strong>**the chapters planned out. From this point expect maybe two updates a month (^^;)  
>I also suggest you go back and reread the first chapters since I rewrote some it~<br>So, until then, please review with thoughts, comments, and other stuff and such  
>Thanks for reading~<strong>


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